Terrified Heart
by Raederle
Summary: Two weeks before the prom, Yolei is dumped by her boyfriend. Seeing Yolei so alone, can Sora overcome her fear of rejection in this critical moment to tell Yolei how she really feels?


_Terrified Heart_

Yolei overreacts over a lot of things. It's a bit admirable in a way. She simply lets everyone know how she feels, and I think that's a pretty healthy way to behave. Mimi does it, and she'll probably never need to see a shrink. Not like me, an emotionally-repressed tomboy craving a father figure. 

Though, under the circumstances, I think I understand how she feels. Two weeks before the prom, dress paid for, dinner reservations made, and her boyfriend dumps her for someone else. Does this sound familiar to me? Yes it does. Except my boyfriend didn't dump me for another girl. Well, that was really my own fault; I'm the one who set them up. 

"Kari! This is SO unfair!" Yolei whined, pulling her hair in different directions. She'd been crying, sitting pathetically in the floor at Tai's house for at least an hour or two, and I thought it was kind of sweet for Tai to vacate, even though he claimed he and Matt already had dinner plans, and he didn't want to be part of this whole girlie comfort thing. 

Tai can be sweet, if you can get past all that blustering _I'm The Courageous Leader_ nonsense. 

"I know, Yolei, but we can find you a new date." Kari reassured her. Mimi bobbed her head up and down. 

"Absolutely." She declared throwing up her index finger. Yolei sniffed loudly and tried to dry her eyes. Yolei always looked up to Mimi, and she is by far, not a gracious crier. Her eyes were puffed up like she'd eaten some bad shellfish, and her face was mottled white and strawberry pink. But she was still beautiful, to me at least. Not that anyone would have guessed I felt that way, except maybe Matt, or Mimi. Who both know me well, and I dated the guy until he was ready to come out of the closet to his father. 

And me? I was poking my head through the crack in the doorway to the bathroom. I was supposed to be taking my shower, but I couldn't stop looking at Yolei. Hiding, like the little coward I am sometimes. Particularly when it comes to my Crest. 

Finally, I stopped gawking at her, and slid out of my clothing to get into the shower. Kari's house had one of those large bathroom mirrors that are so terribly depressing. Either you look into them when you're naked and get depressed at the boyish, unattractive creature starring back at you, or you get depressed because you didn't have the guts to look. I'm usually the latter, but that night I managed to get a good look at myself. 

I turned on the water to heat it up as I gazed at my skinny reflection. Mimi was much better built than me. She always could get whatever boy she wanted. Not that I was jealous about that. I mean, I'd had Matt for a while, and every girl in the school wanted him. I just get tired of the jokes. Them laughing. I'm not even in high school anymore and it still hurts. 

I was more jealous when she told me Yolei had a crush on her when they first met, but then again, Yolei has a crush on everyone when she first meets them. 

My thin body just stood there, and I ran my calloused hands over my breasts. They were a little sore. Tai had whacked me pretty hard the other day while we were playing soccer together. Heaven forbid anything happen to my little mosquito bites. I _had_ grown a little, thank heavens. But still, it wasn't much. 

I hopped in the shower before the girls could start to wonder what I was doing, and come in on me. I couldn't imagine how that would turn out. Unless it was Mimi. She'd known, almost always, and I loved her for it. She knew before I did, bless her. And she didn't care at all. 

The water rinsed down my body and I looked it over once again, this time from a more personal perspective. I was pretty muscular. I always had been, but lately I'd been training hard in order to make the college teams. 

Then I thought of Yolei's body. 

"You've got a friend for life." I'd told her, and had meant it. 

Running the washcloth down my body, I thought of her, sitting innocently in the public bath with us, not realizing, even as she falls in love every half second with every person she meets, I'm falling in love with her again and again, every half second. Her smile is so genuine. Her little body has developed so much over the years, skin smooth as silk, a plump rear that makes my heart actually speed up when I take that stolen glance. 

Then I realized that it was speeding up at the moment, because I happened to have let my hand get carried away with itself. My crotch hardly needs to be that clean! But I can't really help it. If I'm alone, and thinking about her... my lips just swell, wanting to kiss her. 

I finished up quickly, and pulled my boxers over my hard frame. The matching bra comes next, and even though I'd like to put my pajamas on already, I know the girls are sitting around in their underwear. 

So out I go, back into Kari's room. When I'm with my friends, looking is not an option. I'd _never_ do anything that would make them uncomfortable. I love them. 

Mimi tells me, often, that I should let Yolei and Kari know more about me. That it would do them some good to understand that you can't tell a lesbian from a normal girl. She's probably right. But I don't often feel like being the one-woman gay/lesbian educator for the Odaiba area. 

"Come _on_, Sora!" Mimi cried, pulling teasingly on my boxers. I know she wouldn't pull them off, but I blushed anyway. Yolei giggled at my embarrassment. 

"So who else?" Kari insisted. "You could ask Ken?" 

Yolei flushed. "It's not that I wouldn't love to have him on my arm, Kari.., it's that... I _know_ he has something better to do!" 

"He'll say yes." Kari assured her, running a graceful hand over Yolei's long back. Yolei shook her head. 

"It's... not an option." She looked up at us with a sudden smile. The corners of her lips twitched, as though they knew something wonderful. "He and Davis are going to reception dinner at his college that all the members of his scholarship _have_ to attend." 

Kari practically squealed as she clapped her hands together. "Ohhh, they are _so_ cute!" 

Mimi blushed and giggled. "How adorable. You think they'll let me pick out their outfits?" 

Yolei managed a laugh. "I doubt it. Ken likes to pick out his own ensembles." 

"Aw." Mimi pouted, picking up a purple scrunchie. I snatched it from her and began playing with her soft, beautiful pink hair. I can't stand dealing with _my_ nappy hair on a daily basis, which is why I keep it so short, but I like messing with Mimi's. It's so silky. "What are you doing?" 

"Piggy-tails." 

"I'd ask you to do mine, but it's still not long enough to stay." Kari said appreciatively. It's nice to have an artistic outlet. I'll be damned if I can find a good one. 

"You could do Yolei's after doing mine. Ow!" Mimi suggested, being cut short as I yanked her hair. "Bitch." 

"I could say the same thing." I whispered. Yolei had taken off her glasses, and leaned back into the soft, comforters lying on the floor. I could see her ribs, stretching up through her skin ever so slightly as she breathed in and out heavily, still sadly. 

She was so happy for Ken and Davis, but what about her? 

I could relate. 

***

In the middle of the night I woke up, all of the sudden, you know? As if I'd heard something. Sora was fast asleep next to me, her head resting in her arms. I kind of sat up, and leaned over her, watching as her back moved up and down in slumber. Her face is usually so serious. I never get to see her smile, well hardly ever. 

I have to admit, I understand Mimi a whole lot more than Sora. I even understand Kari more than Sora, and that's saying something. Kari's the weirdest person I know, but still she explains the things she's going through, and I really appreciate that, her being my best friend and all next to Ken. Sora keeps it inside, and won't tell me what's going on. I bet she tells Mimi. And that kind of makes me jealous. I don't know why. 

Anyway, I got up and tried to sneak out of the room without falling over my big clown feet and waking everyone up. It was bad enough we'd scared Tai away with all the girlie stuff, but I at least could keep from depriving Kari's parents from a good night's sleep. 

I wonder why Sora wears boxers? 

Splashing my face with some cold water, I looked up into Kari's bathroom mirror. Sliding my hands down the sides of my face, slicking back the hair on the sides. Still puffy. It wasn't a pretty sight. I looked like I'd been in a gang fight or something. If only Touga could see me now. He'd thank the goddess above that he'd dumped me already. Idiot roadie. 

Touga was never much of a boyfriend. I mainly put up with him because he _wanted_ me, which was more than the rest of the guys in our school had to offer. Actually, what he _wanted_ was my booty, but he wasn't getting that! 

The prom was coming up, and I get tired of going to dances alone. Why is it that guys get scared off when a girl is aggressive about how she feels?! There's nothing wrong with being assertive. Ken didn't give a damn. Well, we didn't really work out past a few dates, but it wasn't because I was passionate about how I felt. 

And it's not like Touga's ever going to have much more of a job than being the muscle crew for Matt's band. No talent, no brains. A real loser. Which is why I feel so damn bad that _he_ dumped _me_! 

Without my glasses, the world is fuzzy. Actually, everything is prettier, because I don't have to look at the details. It's all smoothed over. Sometimes I'd just lay at night with my glasses off, starring into the darkness and seeing what I could see. 

Though, granted, it's difficult not to trip over girlie bodies without your glasses on. I can't wait until I'm old enough to get my eyes fixed. 

"Yolei?" Sora looked up at me groggily as I stepped on her and smiled. Finally, that winning, sweet grin. She wobbled up so she was leaning back on one arm and reached up to me with the other hand, whispering: "So you don't fall." 

"Thanks." 

"You've had a rough day." She stated, looking into my practically blind eyes. I got tired of not being able to see, so I grabbed my half-ton glasses and looked at her. Sometimes I'm almost floored by her wide scarlet eyes. They seem, like, wise. 

"No kidding." I muttered back. I'm not often graced with Sora's view on things. She mostly keeps quiet when involved with us younger kids, but we've had our moments. 

"Guys are kind of blind themselves at times." She continued, hesitantly holding a hand up, as though wanting to touch my face, but holding back. I think she was blushing, but it was way too dark to tell. 

"Huh?" 

"They can't see what's in front of them. They can't see how little they actually deserve the wonderful, strong women they have in front of them. So they go looking for someone cheaper, bouncier. Stupider." Sora continued. "They want what they can't have, and eventually, their own looks give out, and they have nothing to offer, but maybe as a sperm bank, you know?" 

I immediately buried by face in my pillow trying not to cackle like a hyena. 

"Sperm bank." I snorted. She hugged me close to her and finally brought her hand around my face. Her hardened fingertips pressed softly against the hair on the side of my face, and her thumb gently stroked the side of my face. For some reason, this seemed to calm me. I didn't feel so bad with her near. 

"Don't worry about silly boys. They don't know what they need." 

"Apparently I don't either." I muttered. Sora continued stroking my cheek fondly. Leaning closer to me, her wet lips parted slightly, breathing out softly, and I could smell her toothpaste. 

"I... I'm sure you do. But what you want, and what you need are different things right now. They'll come together as you get older." She assured me quickly. "You should try to get some sleep. I'm sure Mimi will want to give you a makeover before she goes back to America. You'll need your energy!" 

She released me and rolled back over to go to sleep. I took my glasses back off, and pondered this. And why my heart was beating so quickly. 

***

Sometimes, Matt just needs a push. As I stood there, fixing my short hair, brushing off my suit, I thought about that night, when I convinced Tai to join me and Matt for a threesome. Then vacated the room, to their surprise, and left them for the night. Don't get me wrong, I'm not _that_ selfless... I'm not Kari. I just want to see my friends happy, even if it means I'll be alone. 

And Matt wasn't what I wanted really, but more, how should I say it? My _Close Enough_. Matt was my Close Enough. We had so much in common. The way we express our emotions... as dysfunctional as that is. Our feelings of inadequacy, futility. I could talk to Matt forever about anything. He's really my best friend, which would upset Tai if I said it, but he'd have to admit Matt's _his_ best friend, too. And now, thank heavens, he's more. I don't think I could live with knowing I'd come between that. But if Tai hadn't been willing... I could have lived with having Matt as a partner, even if we didn't really feel that kind of love for one another. 

It's better than being alone. I know that practically negates my Crest, but it's how I feel. 

"Sora, that suit..." My mother stood hesitantly behind me in my room. She's always been rather supportive, though she cried when I told her. She was upset that she couldn't tell. Though she has to be a _little_ pleased. I still haven't told my father, and I don't think he'd even notice if I got married to a huge hairy dyke. 

"Mother?" I asked, turning around. I thought I looked pretty... well, for me, good. A year after we'd met the new Digidestine, I'd abandoned my uniform for the boys' version, which of course, erupted some awful talk. And I was still dating Matt then. Sigh. 

He got into a lot of fights for my sake. I wish he hadn't. He almost got kicked out of school. Matt stands by his Crest at all times, it seems, even if it looks like he's not doing it. He protects his friends. This is one of his best qualities, though sometimes he gets carried away. 

"You look very handsome, sweetheart." She said finally, with a tinge of amusement at her mouth. She looked at the ceiling, trying not to laugh. "I'm sure your father would agree." 

"Like he'd notice." 

She sighed heavily and came over to me softly, placing one hand on my shoulder, gently. "He cares, Sora. He just doesn't know how to balance his career with his family. His father was the same way, you know, and he doesn't realize how much it hurts you not to have him as a part of your life." 

I smiled and gave her a strong hug. I'm taller than her now, almost as tall as father, but not quite. "At least I have you. You'll always be a part of my life, mother. I promise." 

"Thank you." She said softly, wiping a tear from her eye. So emotional, my mother. I love her for it. "So who's the lucky lady?" 

"Hm, well, you'll find out if she accepts me for a date." I replied, grinning as I pinned a rose to my buttonhole and headed out the door. 

***

Primping in front of a communal mirror with fifty or so of your friends is like a hallmark of going to the prom. I have a lot of friends, and those little bitches have a lot of boyfriends and they talk about them constantly. What am I supposed to do? Just stand there and listen? They know Touga and I broke up. 

"I just don't want to hang around here and bitch about the guy. I know you like him Tenko, but... is he as bad a kisser with you? Or has he learned something by now?" 

Tenko laughed heartily. She's really a slut, and I don't say that lightly. It makes me feel sorry for her, really, because she's putting all her self worth in how boys treat her and when they go to someone else she's going to feel awful. I know. Besides, Touga's a _Wham Bam, Thank You M'am_ kinda guy. Word out was he only took her to the prom because he had a hotel room waiting and he knew I wouldn't put out for him. 

I'm saving that for Mr. Right. Or Ken, whichever comes first. Of course, I'll have to wait on Davis to break up with him... cause I'm not a hooch like that. Cough cough, ahem! Tenko. 

"He's getting better. Look at it this way, Yolei! Now you get to dance with whoever you want!" She giggled. Blond strips surrounded her face. Most of it was pinned up in a tight bun around her dark brown roots with glittery clips. 

"I would anyway!" I declared, throwing my arm up energetically. The girls laughed. I know they felt sorry for me, but I never let Touga boss me around anyway. I don't let any guy do that. Which... is probably why I'm alone tonight. Sigh. 

As the girls piled out of the room, I slipped my hand into my pocketbook and grabbed something vital. I waited until I was pressed up against Tenko to make my move. 

No, you idiot, it wasn't a knife! 

"What's this?" She asked innocently. Like she hasn't seen these things a million times. 

"It's a condom. Make sure he wears it. Trust me, you don't want to go unprotected with a guy like him." I warned. I could see her brow creasing. "I'm not saying he's nasty. Just experienced. No reason to get careless, you know?" 

Tenko looked at me uncertainly. I'm not sure how I would even react under those circumstances. It's not like I'm really her friend or anything. 

She closed her eyes and hugged me. 

"Thank you, Yolei." 

I waved my hand dismissively. Hearing my name, I looked up to see our class rep in front of me. 

"Yolei, your date is here? Out by the door." 

"My date?" I asked. The girls around me looked at each other conspiratorially. 

"Very cute, Yolei. Very cute." The class rep grinned as she led me to the entrance. 

I peered outside as she left me alone, curious to who my _date_ was, and if Mimi had anything to do with this. I bet she could have blackmailed Michael into going on a date with me. You don't say no to Mimi. 

"Hey, Yolei. Can I come in?" 

Her smiling face looked down on me with compassion, but also something more. Her eyes were narrowed a little, in the corners, and I realized, she was waiting for me to reject her. To choose to be alone rather than spend the night here with her. 

She was damn wrong. 

"Sora!" I cried, flinging myself into her arms. She looked shocked, but I have that effect on people. "You look so great!" 

She did. She was wearing makeup for once, and it brought out her beautiful, sympathetic eyes. Plus the suit just worked on her. It was tailored perfectly to bring out her great build. My eyes followed her curves, around her firm breasts, into her slim waist and down around her powerful legs. She was beautiful. And for this night, she was mine. 

"I'm glad you like it. I didn't really want you to be alone." She flushed a little, slipping a rose corsage on my wrist. I was overreacting, of course, but I didn't care. My heart was going so fast, I could barely breathe. 

"Come in come in come in!" I took her by the arm, and bedamning whatever the other girls would say, snuggled up against her. She was warm, and I felt safe, and wanted, and needed. 


End file.
